Life

Life Is Unpredictable…
it can be created, it can be nurtured and loved…
it can be destroyed, it can be tortured and hated…
it is different in everything it inhabits…
it can carry you far, through the best and the worst
it can be strong and unbreakable
it can abandon you, miss the best and shatter during the worst…
life does only what it can…
only you can dictate what that is…

My idea for this whole… thing, is dead. I find myself just not having anything to write, and not coming back here as often as i would like to, but with that said, i made this as a sort of vent of sorts, because i was feeling low, and i just, wanted some-thing- to talk to… just, get it out maybe?

Regardless that need slowly faded… I feel, very happy right now. (right now I’m listening to ”Rise Against – Ready To Fall” my friend became obsessed with this band, which put me off them and i condemned them, if he knew i now really liked even the one or two songs, id be eaten alive! :))

Alas, i have run out of things to say… I’m great at this aint i?

I’m 16, and i have a girlfriend of one year, she has a daughter, she’s 18, she gave birth on October 16 of last year… I’m not the father, as you can tell by the way i phrased that… i was with her through her pregnancy, and im still there for her now… as she is for me…  there has been, lots of things to work through… many a time ive been left depressed and hopeless…

Now, i feel great… the last two weeks have been great! I feel myself getting closer to her daughter… and I feel immensely guilty for this… I mean, I love my girlfriend, and i love her daughter too… and i feel very guilty… i don’t think, im supposed to… but i do, im there and i do care for both of them… i wont go into all the details, plus i mean, you’d have to be here to understand… its madness, it really is… the fathers near by… he’s a prick, was when they were going out, and still is now… but this are looking positive on that front these days i think… i dunno… still things… me and my girlfriend are working on… talking… lol yeah, she don’t tell me lots of things sometimes… and then i hear her talking to someone else while were out and she’ll say something and ill be like ”oh… really?”… that kinda bothers me… whether its her going on holiday over easter with her daughter or a new system she has worked between her, her daughters dad and his family… i feel left out sometimes… plus my girlfriends family have never quite… fully accepted me… its been one year… we’ve been through a lot, were still together… that’s what matters right now… all that other stuff, will just become easy after another year or so… we’ll work it out…

Anyways, that was just… a clip, of just how generally happy and hopeful I am feeling… i feel great! :)

Its mothers day today, I shall be going out with her for a walk :) I got her a mother’s day card, and i was gonna get her daughter to like, i dunno, hand print in it :P thought it would be nice… but, her daughters fathers family already beat me to it with a card with her hand print in it and a present… i feel like shit about that to be honest… just to remind me, how un-involved i should be… how out of the loop i am… who do i think i am…

god this took a depressive turn… but… in general… I do… feel happier than ever… hell, i even remember some dreams now :) which i dont usually do, but ive remembered nearly every dream in the past week, which is AMAZING compared to like… one every few months, im guessing its a happiness thing.

… I feel better :)

Yesterday i was damn sure my laptop was finally broken, it wouldnt start… its always so tempermental, but then today after school, it lived… I’m happy… i love my laptop…  i am nothing without it… lol.

Today was weird… after thinking alot over the weekend Ive realized that my most happiest times are in school… even though im really not happy with school these days… but the actual school days… make me actually smile… heh… which is kinda sad really… and also its no help in the slightest to my school work… I’m a complete failure so far… lol. ah well, its my own fault, so i don’t complain, if i wanna complain i gotta try first at least…

But After, I May Write For Each Heading And Post Them Up Here… Just… For The Fun… Its An Idea… I Hope My Blog Gets Picked Up By Some One… And They Comment, And I Can Write Away And People Can Comment… I Want This To Be Fun… But I Have Little Hopes OF Getting Feedback… I May, Promote It Places, That Isn’t… Near My Friend And People Who Know Me, I Want Randomers… New Things, Outside Opinions…

Anyway, My Essays Are Just An Idea :)

I plan to maybe use this as my own kinda, online diary, so i wont, tell my friends about it, just post it up and see who reply’s. I hope that some random people reply, and comment, and i can make this work, and actually enjoy it, maybe vent somethings, meet people, just, express a little…

Anyways, Ill Kick This Off Later Today, With My 1st Entry, Ill Try And Get One In Every Night…

Ill Post Up Somethings About Me Now, Cause… Well I’m Bored…(Excuse The Caps, Its Like A Habit)

So, My Name Is Connor. I Am 16 Years Old At The Moment, My Birthdays On The 14th Of July!

I Live In Ireland, North\West, County Donegal. (Narrowed It Down But That’s As Far As I Go). I Live With My Mamma, My Dad, My Little Sister (Two Years Younger). Erm, What Other Random Stuff Should I Include…

Well, I Was Born In Northern Ireland, In Londonderry, Where My dad Is From, My Mum Is From West Yorksire, England. I Lived In London Derry Until I Was 2, Then Mummy And Daddy… Blah Blah Blah… Mum And I Moved Over To England, Bradford, Where My Granny Lives and Is From. Then… My Sister Was Born, Daddy Visited, Longer Each Time, Until He Just Kinda, Moved Back In, And Then 3 Years Ago, Moved Here. Close Enough To Dads Family, Yet Just Far Enough.

And That’s Me… So Far. :)

Fingers Crossed… Giving This A Try, Hope I Stick To It :)

Connor.