Everybody Lies – Or Do They?

Misleading Title… I got a new theme for my Firefox, House M.D – Everybody lies. So yeah, that hit my mind when typing this… But anyways.

My idea for this whole… thing, is dead. I find myself just not having anything to write, and not coming back here as often as i would like to, but with that said, i made this as a sort of vent of sorts, because i was feeling low, and i just, wanted some-thing- to talk to… just, get it out maybe?

Regardless that need slowly faded… I feel, very happy right now. (right now I’m listening to ”Rise Against – Ready To Fall” my friend became obsessed with this band, which put me off them and i condemned them, if he knew i now really liked even the one or two songs, id be eaten alive! :))

Alas, i have run out of things to say… I’m great at this aint i?

I’m 16, and i have a girlfriend of one year, she has a daughter, she’s 18, she gave birth on October 16 of last year… I’m not the father, as you can tell by the way i phrased that… i was with her through her pregnancy, and im still there for her now… as she is for me…  there has been, lots of things to work through… many a time ive been left depressed and hopeless…

Now, i feel great… the last two weeks have been great! I feel myself getting closer to her daughter… and I feel immensely guilty for this… I mean, I love my girlfriend, and i love her daughter too… and i feel very guilty… i don’t think, im supposed to… but i do, im there and i do care for both of them… i wont go into all the details, plus i mean, you’d have to be here to understand… its madness, it really is… the fathers near by… he’s a prick, was when they were going out, and still is now… but this are looking positive on that front these days i think… i dunno… still things… me and my girlfriend are working on… talking… lol yeah, she don’t tell me lots of things sometimes… and then i hear her talking to someone else while were out and she’ll say something and ill be like ”oh… really?”… that kinda bothers me… whether its her going on holiday over easter with her daughter or a new system she has worked between her, her daughters dad and his family… i feel left out sometimes… plus my girlfriends family have never quite… fully accepted me… its been one year… we’ve been through a lot, were still together… that’s what matters right now… all that other stuff, will just become easy after another year or so… we’ll work it out…

Anyways, that was just… a clip, of just how generally happy and hopeful I am feeling… i feel great! :)

Its mothers day today, I shall be going out with her for a walk :) I got her a mother’s day card, and i was gonna get her daughter to like, i dunno, hand print in it :P thought it would be nice… but, her daughters fathers family already beat me to it with a card with her hand print in it and a present… i feel like shit about that to be honest… just to remind me, how un-involved i should be… how out of the loop i am… who do i think i am…

god this took a depressive turn… but… in general… I do… feel happier than ever… hell, i even remember some dreams now :) which i dont usually do, but ive remembered nearly every dream in the past week, which is AMAZING compared to like… one every few months, im guessing its a happiness thing.

… I feel better :)